It's been awhile

Yes, it has been some time since I've posted, but I think I'll start it up again.

First, a response, regardless of whether you are reading my blogs or not, or whether yours was directed at me, here it is. Is guilt really an emotion you posses? Ok, low blow. I'm sure you do, because you are more emotional than you want to admit. But then, that's part of the problem, isn't it. You can't be yourself. You can't admit to anyone who you really are. You hide. You run. And you deflect. Perhaps it's out of fear that no one will like you. Perhaps it's because you don't like yourself. Whatever the reason, you're being an idiot. I fell for the guy you are, not the poser you've been or are trying to be. Further, our mutual friends like that same person. They see through the bull shit just as I did. But we care for you, and not the poser. And certainly not the compulsive liar that seems to have become prevalent. I mean, not only am I a stalker, but I took advantage of you?! Are you fucking serious?! ANYONE who knows me would laugh in your face on that accusation. I'm insecure about guys (whether or not that is obvious) and am a big old teddy bear. You came on to me. I had no intention of coming on to you...you're 20 and attractive; that combination intimidates me, so regardless of my attraction to you, I wouldn't have acted on it. And fine, if you didn't want me, that's life. Been there, done that, and will likely do it again. But don't try to make me out to be the bad guy.

Regardless; if there is something you need to say, then say it. And you are a great person, though if you never admit that to yourself, you're never going to be able to allow someone else to love you.

Whew; got that off my chest. And I know some would say that I need to practice some of what I just preached. However, regardless of how low I get, or how insecure I can be, I do love myself (otherwise, it would have been over long ago). And I certainly will allow others to love me, if anyone had any doubts there. ;)

Ok, enough for now. I'm going to post some info about my recent online soap opera that I've experienced recently. That should be good for a few laughs. Until then... :D

Yup

You're right; because you don't have any.

And besides, I am.

I'm still here...

Seriously, you drive me crazy. Of course I'm fading away; what do you expect? I care too much for you to try to stick around, at least right now. I'm not going to torture myself more than I already am by trying to spend time with you. Why do I care? Dunno. Don't know why I have such strong feelings, but they're here, and that's why I've limited my contact with you. However, you have my number. You know how to reach me. I'm still here.

Yes, it's entirely possible, perhaps likely, that you didn't write that shit for my benefit. But I don't buy it. You know I read them, you know I care for you, and you know exactly what I'll take away from it. So if you want to talk to me, talk to me. Don't simply blog to me. Stop being a shit.

Ok, now that that's off my chest...

I absolutely love my bedroom set; and the bedroom itself for that matter. The paint & new blinds look fabulous. The carpet is clean(er). And the storage will help me keep things cleaner. Still working on the rest of the house, but at least it's no longer the disaster it was. I'm ok with having company, now! How long has it been since that's happened?!

Next I need to finish the touch-up painting in the bedroom and finish painting the hallway. This week has been a break from the painting in order to try to finish packing up Christmas Decor and cleaning out the other crap that got moved to the living room (as well as shampooing the couch). So I'll be back to painting shortly.

Hopefully I can pay everything off relatively soon. Now I'm just itching to get the new couch and try to get the living area the way I want it. Though next I should put some money into the cats (yes, yes, they need to be fixed; holy crap; if I'd only known).

Anyway. Off to bed.

Christmas!

Whether it's too late or not, I'm still sorry... I wish I didn't care, but I do.

My Mother; holy cow did she go overboard this year. But the good news for me is that the bedroom set will be paid off in no time, now! :D Can't wait to get it. Can't wait to finish paining (ceiling needs another coat, but is mostly done). Then for shampooing and hopefully all will be done for delivery! Yay!

And now I have new sheets, pillows, and a blanket for it! Thanks Mom!!!

Cleaning

Holy hell; what a slob I've been. I can't believe how much shit -- and the type of shit -- I've been throwing out. I've filled four trash bins. I need a damned dumpster! And while my living area looks fine, my bedroom doesn't even look like I've touched it! CRAP! And the basement; the half dirt one... yeah, whole other story. Granted, this is years of collecting miscellaneous things that may come in useful down the road, but if they're covered in four layers of dust, I'm assuming I don't need them anytime soon. So GONE!

It would be much easier if my roof was fixed. This leaking crap is lame. Can't use that back room for anything, and with the new bedroom stuff on its way, I need to. Guess I'll just have to move it back there and cover it in plastic for the time being. But that carpet will need to be replaced (and obviously, the ceiling that's falling apart). Hum. Well, once it's fixed, I'll discuss those things with Mr. Landlord.

Ok, bedtime (more or less).

Whatever.

Stupid "missing you" emotion. That one needs to be gone.

Doing fine. Getting shit cleaned. Throwing out shit. Can't wait for the new furniture!

Christmas Decor for 2008